


Follow Your Heart

by sorbriquette



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Denial, M/M, More stories where I use a spell in lieu of actual human communication and plot???, U betcha, not enough angst IMO, not particularly slow burn, there's definitely denial though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-05 06:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorbriquette/pseuds/sorbriquette
Summary: In a last-ditch attempt to see if Agatha has any feeling for Simon or Baz, Penny convinces Agatha to let her cast "follow your heart" on the trio. The spell, in crucible like fashion, pulls you towards the object of your affections.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will I one day learn how to come up with a title that is also not the name of a spell used in the fic? Magic 8 ball says "no"
> 
> This will be significantly shorter than my usual fics and I'm aiming to update every few days, so hope yall like.
> 
> As always thank you to my lovely betas who significantly improve both my stories and my generally atrocious grasp of the English language:  
> basic-banshee.tumblr.com  
> bpitchbitch.tumblr.com  
> esabettie.tumblr.com  
> nympahdcra.tumblr.com

**Agatha**

I hate this.

It's not that I hate asking for help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. It's asking for help about this.

"Penny, I don't think I love Simon," I admit when it's just the two of us in my room.

Trixie has Keris over again and they're driving Penny batty. I don't have a roommate. Not after what happened to Philippa. It's nice, really. Penny usually goes to Simon's room when Keris is in hers, though I don't know why, since mine's half empty. I don't really mind though. It's nice to have the quiet sometimes.

I'm sitting at my desk, mirror propped up in front of me and doing my makeup for no particular reason other than that I want to. We've already finished classes for the day.

"I know," Penny says from where she's settled herself onto the spare bed in my room, the one that's been untouched for over two years now. She has a book propped up on her knee and she didn’t take her shoes off when she got on the bed. She never does. Says it doesn't matter if no one's sleeping in it. "I don't think he loves you either."

I already knew she thought that. She's been more than vocal about it. My parents have been vocal about the opposite though. 'You're made for each other', 'destined to be together', 'a perfect match' and all the other things people say when they like the idea of two people getting together but have no real reason why.

I sigh, brown eyes staring back at me as I attempt to wing my eyeliner. "I think maybe I like Baz." His handkerchief is still in my blazer pocket after all. When you carry something like that around it's supposed to be a sign of romance, right? Maybe I'm supposed to be involved with him instead. The villain in this story.

_ No, _ I think bitterly,  _ just the villain’s girl _ .

"You just like the idea of Baz," Penny tells me, snapping closed her book and pulling herself up to sit cross-legged on my bed.

I frown a little at that and it causes me to ruin my wing. I sigh and reach for makeup wipes, dabbing at the corner of my eye. "I don't know," I admit in a huff. "Maybe? It has to be better to try something new than stay where I don't belong doesn't it?"

"It would hurt Simon," Penny says softly. She always goes a bit soft when she's worried about Simon. I wonder vaguely if she does the same when she speaks of me. Probably not. "Not the breakup. The dating Baz. I'm not sure anyone would hurt him more than if you started dating Baz."

I throw the wipe into the bin with more force than is warranted, but it's basically a piece of paper so it's not like that actually has an impact. "And what about me, Penny?" I snap. I don't like to snap, or get riled but really,  _ what about me? _ "Is it worth sacrificing my happiness just so Simon's feelings don't get hurt?"

Some may argue it's selfish. It’s not selfish though, is it? I'm being asked to throw away my life, so Simon Snow has a waif to come back to at the end of all this. That's not fair to either of us. For all her feminist principles, you'd think Penny of all people would support this.

I love Simon, I do. But not romantically, not like he wants me to. Not like  _ everyone  _ seems to want me to.

"No, Agatha. I just mean Simon's still your friend. If you're going to throw that away, you should make sure Baz really is what you want."

I look past my own reflection to Penny sitting on the spare bed, staring at me, book still in her lap, purple hair pulled into a knot atop her head that I just wish she'd let me put some product in.

"How am I supposed to know if I don't try?"

I see Penny wilt a moment. Then her head snaps up and she scrambles up and over to me, flipping through her book as she does so. "Follow your heart." She says with an excited yelp.

"What?" I ask, feeling a little dumb, but Penny usually makes me feel like that. I think she makes Simon feel like that too sometimes.

"It's a spell, you cast it over an area and everyone there is pulled to the person they're attracted to." She says, nodding furiously as she manages to find the page and tosses it down on my desk, narrowly avoiding the open eyeshadow pallet I have there. "It works like the crucible, it's almost impossible to resist."

"How will I know if Baz has feelings for  _ me  _ though?"

"It's an area of effect spell." Penny presses on. "All we’ve got to do is get you, Simon and Baz within a few feet of each other and then I'll cast it. If you like Baz, you'll be pulled to him. If Baz likes you he'll be pulled to you."

"Why does Simon have to be there?" I ask, my voice smaller than usual. This seems like a bad idea. Like when Penny and Simon run off on their adventures. One of those kinds of ideas. I must admit though, I'm compelled to give it a go. I need to know, I think. I need to know if what I feel for Baz is anything real. If it's even anything at all.

"So I can prove to you two once and for all that this isn't meant to be," Penny says, looking far too excited at the promise of ending my long-term relationship.

I hesitate a moment, meeting my own eyes in my reflection, then seeing Penny over my shoulder practically buzzing with excitement.

"Okay."

**Penny**

So, we're all set, I guess.

Agatha is going to corner Baz after class. Simon, being Simon, is going to go over and try to protect her from whatever brand of evil he thinks Baz is cooking up. I cast the spell. Then we know once and for all that Simon and Agatha are not supposed to be together.

I don't think Agatha approves of how outspoken I've been about them not belonging together. It's really not that much, I just bring it up every now and then. I think part of it comes down to Agatha seeing me as a threat though. Can't imagine why. Simon and I are just friends. And friends don't let friends trick themselves into thinking they're destined to be with someone despite a total lack of chemistry.

Baz isn't cooperating, though. As if eternally attempting to play the antagonist he just keeps marching on while Agatha tries to talk to him. For someone so posh he has no concept of manners, apparently. His legs are longer than hers and she's struggling to keep up.

I think he's doing this on purpose.

I'm a little while away, where I can watch the scene unfold and cast the spell without anyone noticing. Baz is my biggest concern with that. The second you touch the object of your affections the spell breaks. If he notices and manages to resist and then Agatha gets drawn to him, we'll just never know if he feels anything.

At the rate he's attempting to escape Agatha with though, I doubt we'll get to find out at all.

It makes me doubt he has any interest in her. Though I wouldn't put it past Baz to deal with the object of his affections by literally running away from them. He's never shown interest in anyone, so he probably just ignores those things. Or maybe he's asexual, could be that too.

"Agatha." A shout echoes across the lawn. Most students go about their business, it's not an unusual occurrence to have people call each other across a large space, we are high school students after all.

Agatha stops though, turning on her heel to face Simon.

Baz stops too. Finally.

Simon runs across the lawn to them, skidding to a halt.

Well, now or never I suppose.

I raise my ring hand and direct it towards them. " **Follow your heart** ."

Baz stands up straighter for a moment, but he manages to steady himself. Obviously, he's better at resisting this than I thought.

Agatha doesn't move. She doesn't move an inch. Her eyes meet mine.

I don't even have a chance to shrug at her, though.

Simon obstructs my view.

I suppose Simon is the only one moving, so he's the only one of interest right now.

I expect him to go for Agatha.

Instead, he tackles Baz.

**Baz**

I feel a sharp tug when Simon gets over to us. I always feel a sharp tug towards him, it's just not usually this physical. Regardless, I steel myself and resist it. My arm tries to reach for him, but I drag it back down before it can get an inch up. It's barely noticeable.

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck is that? It's still pulling at me.

Then it stops. It stops when Simon Snow tackles me to the ground.

It's not the first time I end up on my back under Simon Snow. It's just the first time (excluding my daydreams) that he's not winding up to punch me.

He's just laying on top of me, his warm hands gripping my forearms where I've rolled my sleeves up. It's pleasant, being touched non-threateningly by Snow. Or as non-threatening as it can be when he tackles me.

He jerks away, sitting up, sitting  _ on top of me _ .

"What the fuck did you do?" He growls at me.

I glower back at him. "Really Snow, this jealous ex-boyfriend act is getting ridiculous." I know that's not what he's talking about. The problem is I don't understand what he  _ is  _ talking about though. Not yet at least.

"Not that, you prick. This." He gestures between us, where he's still sitting on me, basically straddling my hips. It's a certain type of torture and bliss all rolled into one. I can't take it, I shove him off me.

I haul myself to my feet and dust myself off. "I don't fucking know, Snow, you're the one who jumped  _ me. _ " But Crowley I nearly jumped him too. More than I usually nearly jump him at least.

"I didn't jump you, Baz," he spits at me, clambering to his feet with far less grace than I did and squaring up to me. "That was magic, it felt like the fucking crucible all over again."

It did, didn't it?

I wonder what that means.

"Well I didn't feel it, Snow and I didn't cast it," I tell him. I'm about to press on and explain to him exactly why I couldn't have cast it when the third person on the scene speaks up.

"Really?" Wellbelove snaps, not in response to me I don't think, just the situation. Does she know what's going on? "Fucking really?" She curses, her voice an octave higher than usual. I don't think she usually curses.

I'm half ready to interrogate her, but she bolts, storming off across the lawn.

Snow watches her go and for a moment I think he might go after her, but he rounds on me instead. "You- what- argh- why?"

"Use your words, Snow," I say because he's sputtering again.

He just shoves me, shoves me hard and storms off too. Not after Wellbelove. In the direction of our room instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp this was meant to happen tomorrow but it's 7am and the sun is up and I'm still not fucking asleep, so I suppose it is tomorrow? Enjoy fam

**Penny**

Agatha runs off in one direction and Simon in the other. I'm not sure who to go after first.

Follow Simon and tell him what I did. Tell him what  _ he  _ just did...and what that means.

Follow Agatha and sort out all of this with her.

On one hand, I should get to Simon before he hears it from Agatha or before Baz figures it out and says something horrible to him about it. Would Baz do that? Find out Simon has feelings for him and use it against him?

That is what all this means, after all. Simon has feelings for Baz, not Agatha. Baz doesn't seem to have feelings for Simon.

Agatha doesn't have feelings for either of them.

I choose Agatha in the end. Because she already knows what this was and I'm sure she's distraught.

Simon's just confused. I'm sure Baz is confused too but he's not walking back to their room he's making a beeline back to the classrooms. Probably going to the library to riddle all this out. Good. It means he doesn't know yet.

I eventually track Agatha back to her room, abandoning Simon to his own devices for the moment.

She's sitting on her bed this time, eyes focused on the window.

Honestly, I don't know how to broach the subject. I tend to find a direct approach works best though. "So, that was unexpected."

Agatha looks to me slowly, narrowing her brown eyes. "What  _ was  _ that?"

"Well," I hesitate a moment, taking her in. Is she upset? She doesn't seem to be. Good. I've never had much interest in tact anyway. "It seems Simon is most attracted to Baz. Which, in hindsight, was glaringly obvious."

Because it was glaringly obvious wasn't it? I don't know how I missed it. I had to bar Simon from talking about him too much for snake’s sake.

Agatha purses her lips for a moment, looking wistfully out the window. "Baz doesn't like either of us by the looks of it." She sounds disappointed and a little surprised, but not all that upset really. I don't think there was really anything there with Baz. There wasn't anything with Simon either.

"Neither do you," I point out.

Something is bothering me. Agatha didn't react to the spell at all. Baz did. He definitely felt it. I saw him react when I cast it before Simon started moving. I chew the inside of my cheek. "Did you feel anything at all when I cast it?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't know you  _ had  _ cast it until Simon jumped Baz."

I mightn't be the most emotionally aware. Merlin, I didn't even notice Simon's incredibly severe crush on Baz.

The more I think about it, the more I'm certain I saw Baz move. He just caught himself before he could go for either of them. It shouldn't have stopped pulling him if he didn't touch the person he was pulled  _ to _ . Unless I'm mistaken (and I rarely am) the only person he touched was Simon.

Merlin, how did I miss this?

I doubt it will make the conversation I have to have with Simon any less devastating for him.

But maybe some good can come of this.

**Simon**

What did he do?

What the fuck did he do?

I crash into our room and toss myself onto my bed.

Honestly, I'm not even sure why I'm angry. I'm not sure what I'm angry about. Baz practising magic on me?

The thing is, I'm not sure he did. I didn't hear him say anything, didn't hear him cast anything, he didn't even draw his wand. So, either Baz is the next Merlin (which I admit is a possibility) or it wasn't him.

Was it one of his cronies then? Dev or Niall?

Why would they spell me to tackle Baz?

Why would Baz get them to do that?

A contact poison maybe, or trying to get me in trouble for attacking him? It's not like it's the first time I've attacked Baz though, we've fought loads, there are never any massive consequences, I'm not even sure if there are any now.

I'm leaking magic everywhere. I need to calm down.

Baz isn't here. So, I summon the sword of mages and practice. It doesn't necessarily calm me down, but it does give me something to channel my anger into, something else to focus on.

I practice on his side of the room too because he's not here to see it. It gives me a petty sort of satisfaction. Not as much satisfaction as I would have if I picked up his pillow and sliced it into a thousand pieces, but still, small victories.

The door opens, and I spin around, sword in hand, ready to face Baz. The anathema is still a problem, so I can't actually behead him like I want to, but I can threaten him, that might be fun.

"Merlin, Simon, put that away."

It's not Baz, it's Penny.

She makes her way over to Baz's bed and throws herself down on it like she owns it anyway.

I do put the sword away. "Sorry, I'm just-" I still don't entirely know what I'm meant to be mad about, just that I am mad. So, I huff and throw my hands up on the air and flop down onto my back in bed. "I don't know what he did but it's sinister." I narrow my eyes at the ceiling as if I'm trying to see where Baz carved the steps of his evil plan into it.

" _ He  _ didn't do anything," Penny tells me. I turn my head to look at her, ready to cut in if only I knew the questions I wanted to ask. It doesn't matter, that's probably why she's here. "It was me."

I sit bolt upright. "Pen, what did you do?"

"I'm getting to that." She looks at me with the same expression she wears when I eat my scones to quickly and start to choke. "Agatha wanted to know if she had feelings for you or Baz so I cast 'follow your heart'." I frown at her, not liking where this is going. "It pulls you towards the person you're attracted to if they're close enough."

Oh.

"Agatha isn't attracted to me," I mutter, looking to Penny for confirmation, even though I know already. She nods, but she's looking at me like I'm an idiot again. "She's not attracted to Baz either." I take some solace in that at least.

Wait.

Baz.

I'm attracted to Baz?

No.

Absolutely not.

"You cast it wrong," I tell her. Even though she never casts anything wrong. There's a first time for everything and this is that time for Penny. It  _ has to be  _ this time.

Penny actually looks a little affronted. "I didn't cast it wrong."

Shit.

I  _ tackled  _ Baz. Why did I tackle Baz? He didn't move. Agatha didn't move. I was the only one who did fucking anything.

I throw myself back down into the mattress and consider trying to smother myself with my own pillow. "I am not attracted to  _ Baz _ ."

"If it's any consolation, he's attracted to you too." She says like it's the most obvious fucking thing in the world. It isn't though. Because he didn't fucking move.

"No, he isn't, Pen, and there is no 'too'. I don't have a crush on Baz." I snap at Penny. Usually, I wouldn’t snap at Penny and if I did, I'd feel guilty about it but this is her fault this time.

"No one said anything about a crush Simon, just attraction." She points out. It calms me a little. I'm riled up, but there's no real smoke smell, no more than usual anyway. Maybe my sword practice helped that. It has to be that. I'm not entertaining the other possibility. "You did follow him everywhere for an entire year though, and you never shut up about him, sounds a lot like a crush to me."

I shoot a glare at Penny. "He tried to kill me," I remind her.

"Not successfully, and I think I'm starting to see why."

"Because he's not as smart as he thinks he is?"

"Because he likes you."

I snort. "Fat chance." Because it is. Even if I did want Baz (which I don't) he's posher and fancier than Agatha. I was never good enough for her, so I doubt I'd be good enough for him. Even if he is evil.

I could never date someone evil.

Baz is still evil, it doesn't matter how smart or fit or perfect he is.

_ Oh shit. _

"I have a crush on Baz." I groan, leaning forward and burying my face in my hands.

I hear Penny shift and feel the mattress dent beside me as she sits down, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder.

"This can't be happening, Pen, he hates me." I lean into her a little. Suddenly overly conscious that we're having this conversation in my room and Baz could walk in any second.

"I don't think he does Simon. He felt it, the spell, Agatha didn't feel anything."

I think she's trying to be a comfort but really that isn't helping. Hearing that my girlfriend doesn't want me at all is painful enough as it is. "So?"

"So," she draws it out, "If he wasn't attracted to either of you, he wouldn't have reacted at all. And the spell would still be pulling on him if he hadn't touched you."

"You said it yourself Pen, attraction is not the same as feelings."

Penny sighs more loudly than she usually would, trying to convey her exasperation and how thick she thinks I'm being, probably. "True, but it's not nothing."

She's right I suppose. It's not nothing.

Then I pull away from her shaking my head vigorously. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about things I can't have.

"Let's talk about something else."

**Baz**

I don't know what the fuck happened. I'd been up in the library reading every damn book on the crucible I could find.

Nothing. Bloody nothing.

When I'd gotten back to our room Snow was out of sorts too.

He'd tried to greet me. We don't greet each other. We ignore or antagonize, nothing else.

So when he'd said. "Baz, I-" and then hesitated, I'd been quick to jump in.

"Am terribly sorry for attacking you unprovoked and making more of an arse of myself than usual?" I finished for him, sending him my most patronising look. "Apology not accepted, Snow."

He just shook his head and crawled under his covers. "Never mind."

It was odd, to say the least, Snow doesn't usually back down. I'm not sure he ever has. It tempts me to go and talk to him, to see what it was he wanted to say. But I can't and I won’t. Even if I want to.

He'd turned in early, but he didn't fall asleep till late, I didn't either.

He didn't stomp around in the morning, though he did throw open the curtains still.

He didn't glare at me through breakfast.

He ignored me during class.

Evidently, it seems Simon Snow has tried to cut me out of his life, which is going to be hard given we live together.

I'm on my way back to the library when I pass Wellbelove and Snow having a lover’s spat. I suppose that explains his behaviour then.

"You're my future," Snow says and honestly it sounds rather pathetic, but it still makes my blood boil.

Wellbelove's in quite a state still dressed up perfectly as always, but with a scowl drawn across her pretty face and her hands balled into fists at her side. "No, Simon, I'm not, I think that has become abundantly clear."

I don't care to find out what she's on about, they'll be back together by this time next week anyway.

I send Snow a smirk when he finally notices my presence. I expect a snarl or him to come charging at me and blame me for this, he doesn't though, he just looks away.

"Agatha, please."

She just gives a high-pitched squeal of rage and turns around to storm off. Turning to face me.

She stops in her tracks.

"Evening Wellbelove, finally come to your senses and dumped the Chosen One?" I don't smile, I don't need to. I just affix her with my gaze.

She usually simmers down or melts or gets herself under control. Not today though evidently.

"Don't you try," she hisses at me. Wellbelove is actually hissing. Have she and Snow suddenly swapped bodies? This has to be the strangest week of my life. "I'm not some toy for you to use to piss off Simon and then disregard the second you've had your fun."

That takes me aback a little. If I'm honest with myself, and even when it's painful I try to be, that is what I do. I thought she knew it too. So what's changed now?

I don't let my confusion show. Instead, I raise an eyebrow at her and fix her with my most condescending stare. "Crowley, has Snow actually convinced you I'm plotting?"

"Enough games, Basil." She throws her hands up in frustration. "I'm not interested in you," she pauses and looks to Simon, "either of you." 

Snow doesn't look hurt, if anything he just looks a little sheepish.

Wellbelove troops on with her little rant though. "And neither of you are interested in me. I know that now."

"Do you?" I press because she riled up here and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something.

"Yes, Basilton," she spits my name out like it's poison, "and so do you."

Snow finally seems to take this moment to join the conversation, but he contributes nothing more than a warning, "Agatha."

"Enlighten me Wellbelove, how do I know?" I ask, ignoring Snow.

"Agatha, don't." He tries again.

I don't think she hears him, or if she does she ignores him, she must be incredibly mad. "Because Penny cast 'follow your heart' on us."

I'm entirely sure she's still talking but I've stopped listening. My eyes flicker to Snow.

He seems to shrink back a little when my eyes meet his only for a moment though.

Then he turns and runs.

I consider running after him. Chasing him down and tackling him like he did me and kissing him until he can't breathe. Crowley, I want to.

Wellbelove pulls me back into reality. "See, this is exactly what I mean. You don't give a shit about me when Simon isn't around." She's coming down from her rage now, it's turning icy and cold. "Well, Simon doesn't want me. No matter what he tells himself."

No. Apparently, he wants me. Which is such a ridiculous idea it's nearly laughable.

She's still going and I'm long past caring. So, I just brush past her and walk on to the library. She's already given me the information I came here for, but maybe a bit of extra research won’t go astray.


	3. Chapter 3

**Simon**

I can't go back to my room. To  _ our  _ room. Not after that.

Merlin, I can't believe Agatha did that. I mean, I can, and I should have known she would eventually. Just not this soon. Just not now.

I just pace about the grounds, trying to do my best not to flinch whenever I see a flash of dark hair and pale skin. It's never Baz. I'm not sure if I'm grateful for that or disappointed.

Penny makes an appearance eventually. I don't even try to hide the fact that I was waiting for her.

"Penny, how do you get past the wards?" I ask, rushing over to her before she can get out so much as a 'hi'.

"I've told you, Simon, I can't give away all my tricks." She seems merely amused for a moment, but it falls quickly when she takes in my panic.

"I need to crash in your room, Pen," I tell her with as much urgency as I can muster.

For the first time in possibly my entire life, I voluntarily skipped dinner. I'm not sure I can sit through any meal ever again knowing Baz will be there. What if he does something? What if he says something to me? In front of  _ everyone _ . Merlin, I should just go back to our room. He'll be difficult to face but at least when I'm in our room there's no one there to witness whatever he does,  _ and  _ he can't attack me.

Penny's face shifts into a frown and she tilts her head slightly to the side, shifting her book bag higher onto her shoulder. "You do not want to sleep in my room. Trixie and Keris will be there, it's cramped enough as it is."

"I don't mind."

"What's wrong, Simon?"

I bite my lip a moment. I have to tell her I suppose, she'll find out eventually. "Agatha told Baz," I speak slowly, taking my time with the words, stumbling over them more than I'd care to admit. "About the spell, I mean."

"Then shouldn't you sleep in her room, she has a spare bed after all?"

The thought of Agatha's spare bed brings Philippa back to the forefront of my mind. Which prompts the question yet again, how can I be into someone evil?

"I can't sleep in my ex-girlfriend's room," I snap at Penny with more harshness than I intend.

"Then sleep in your own room."

I tousle my hair a little. Then a lot. I tend to do that when I'm nervous. "Please, Penny." I try again, even though it didn't work with Agatha earlier either.

"Simon, he's attracted to you too," She tells me and for once I'm pretty sure Penny is wrong.

I shake my head vigorously. Far more vigorously than necessary, but it gives me a moment to think, to collect my thoughts. "No, he isn't, you didn't see his face when Agatha told him."

Penny folds her arms across her chest. "Then describe it to me."

I hesitate. "Well I mean, at first he looked shocked. Then he just stared at me. I could see the wheels turning in his brain Pen, he had that face on, the one he always has when he's plotting my demise."

Penny sighs and for a moment I think she's going to relent. Then she just grabs me by the arm and drags me off towards Mummer's House.

I struggle as best I can, but her grip is tight, far tighter than should be allowed for her height and the amount of time she spends in the library.

"Trust me, Simon," She says.

And I do.

So, I just go with her.

**Baz**

Penny drags Snow into our room while I'm halfway through my Magick Words essay. He's not quite kicking and screaming, but he certainly looks like he wants to be.

Admittedly, I have been waiting for him. I'm not sure why. My self-sabotaging mind keeps replaying this scenario in my head and no matter how it happens I always reject Snow. Even in my own romantic fantasies, I can't deal with my emotions apparently.

"Bunce," I greet her. "Come here often?"

It's a threat, we both know it. She just rolls her eyes at me though.

I do know she's in here relatively regularly, I can smell it on my sheets. She sits on my bed and I can't even reprimand her for it without playing my hand.

Bunce does not greet me back. She just lets go of Snow's hand and points her hand at me. " **Follow your heart."**

I feel that tell-tale jolt again but I'm expecting it so I barely show a sign even though my stomach feels like it’s about to tear open and spill my insides across the hardwood floor.

I raise an eyebrow at Bunce.

She returns the expression, pursing her lips like she doesn't believe my ruse. She was always too smart that one. "Now, we both know that won’t stop until you touch him." She says matter of factly and I'm not sure if I hate her or love her right now.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Bunce," I tell her.

Simon just looks like a deer in headlights, barely moving an inch, staring at me. I think Simon Snow actually looks a little afraid of me right now. To think I'd never managed that with all my plotting and scheming and Bunce manages it with one sentence.

Bunce just rolls her eyes again and turns to Simon. "I'm leaving. Don't you touch him first if you want your proof."

And then she walks out, as quickly as she'd come. Acting as if she hadn't just flipped my world upside down.

"Baz," he starts, and I think it might be the first thing he's said to me since yesterday. It sounds like he wants to say more, he stumbles through for a few moments, never managing so much as a full word.

Then he just marches over to me and sticks out a hand, exactly like he did when the crucible drew us together. Except he doesn't look like the pull from it is about to knock him over.

No, that one's just me. It's like a hook in my stomach dragging me towards him. I resisted then though, and I can resist now.

Except I can't. Not forever.

If I maybe managed to get further away from him I could break it with distance but right now I think if I tried to move I'd only succeed in walking right into him.

I want to.

I glance down at his hand for a moment. He seems to waver for a moment.

I consider taking his hand and shaking it, every fibre of my being is telling me to. Or I could just slap it away, this isn't actually the crucible, we don't have to shake hands. Snow proved that when he tackled me.

Crowley, he tackled me.

Maybe I should kiss him. I  _ want  _ to kiss him. This is as good an opportunity as any.

At this point, it would be easier to than not. Given the way, the spell is tearing at my insides. I can't quite find it in myself to give in though.

I wish  _ he'd  _ kiss  _ me _ . That would be nice.

Bunce told him not to touch me though and he listens to her.

Apparently only for so long though, because he averts his eyes and lets his hand fall between us. The spell isn't pulling on him, he can do that.

I want to catch it.

I nearly do.

Instead, I just give in.

It's all something of a rush. I blame the spell.

I place a hand on either side of his face and tilt his head up a little.

The pulling stops the moment I touch him, but I still can't help but follow through as I lean forward and press my lips to his, barely even giving him a second to comprehend what's happening.

I feel his mouth spread into a lazy grin against mine. I nearly pull away but he hooks an arm around my neck and pulls me back into him. I'm long past resisting at this point so I just let it happen. Because I want this. Because I've waited so long for this.

Snow's free hand comes to rest on my waist and slowly slides around my back as he pulls us even closer together.

I feel his cheeks heat a little under my hands. I think he's blushing. That gives me a smug sort of satisfaction. My fingertips trail ever higher, coming to rest amongst bronze tangles that have haunted my daydreams for far too long.

He pulls back eventually, practically gasping for air. I am too, though I'm better at hiding it.

I'm better at hiding everything and right now I need to stop this.

What would the families say? I'm still going to have to fight him. He's still going to have to kill me.

The probable straightness of Simon Snow was only half the problem. It was the thing that prevented me from ever having to really deal with everything else.

"Stop it." Snow basically growls at me, evidently back to his usual self now. "You're thinking too much."

I raise an eyebrow at him, letting my hands fall back to my sides. "Maybe if you stopped to think for a moment you'd realise this was a bad idea."

"You're the one who kissed  _ me _ ," He points out but it doesn't quite have the power to make me regret that particular decision. Though I've let go of him, he appears to have no such intent to do the same. His arm tightens around my waist.

I open my mouth to retort but he tilts his head to the side again and juts his chin out ever so slightly. Our lips meet again and suddenly whatever I was going to say, whatever protest I was going to make, it dies on his lips.

My arms fall over his shoulders and I meet each movement of his mouth with my own. I'm not entirely sure I'm doing this right. He certainly is, he's doing this more than right and all I can think about is the feeling of his mouth against mine. I think he realises too because when he draws back for breath he doesn't do it for very long.

Eventually, he backs me into the wall, not that I'd go anywhere with his mouth on me. He takes it as an opportunity to press harder against me though as if his every touch isn't already searing my nerves.

I don't know who starts it. It might have been me. I wouldn't know, I'm far more aware of his body than my own by this point. We end up on the floor though, my back still pressed against the wall, Snow in my lap.

We tire eventually, well into the night. I'm not sure I've ever had a football game that put me through my paces quite like he does. It doesn't really stop though, it just becomes slow and lethargic. His tongue moving lazily over mine, his hands more resting on my shoulders than grabbing at me, his mouth not so much moving away to break kisses as just closing a little and tilting to the side so he can catch his breath.

I don't ever want this to end. It has to eventually though.

Then what?

I suppose on regular dates you go your separate ways until you next meet but we  _ live together _ .

I'm not sure where we go from here.

Snow yawns into my cheek and draws back a little, giving me a small smile. He opens his mouth to say something and just sits there for a moment before giving up and leaning in to kiss me. It's too brief, even after all that.

He untangles himself from me and gathers up his things to change before slipping into the bathroom.

I just sit there for a moment, still on the floor, unsure how to move any muscle other than my tongue anymore.

It all comes flooding back then, all the reasons we can't do this. All the reasons that even if Simon Snow wants me, I can't have him. But the taste of his lips is still fresh on mine and feel warmth that isn't my own wherever he's touched me.

I do manage to figure out how my limbs work again and drag myself to my feet before Snow re-emerges from the bathroom, salvaging the last of my dignity.

He smiles at me again, that goddamn smile that somehow manages to stop my heart. I have the displeasure of watching it fall from his face as I don't acknowledge him and head off for my evening shower.

I take my time because I'm trying to talk sense back into myself, it's hard though, after that.

I finally manage it, or at least I think I do. But when I settle under my covers and lay on my side to look at Simon he's still awake.

He says, "In the morning, don't pretend none of this happened." And it sounds softer and smaller than I'd like, laced with that same fear he'd shown earlier tonight. And like earlier he reaches a hand out to me, in the space between our beds.

Now I'm entirely sure neither myself, nor anyone else is going to be able to talk sense into me ever again. I reach out and take his hand.

It feels stupid, reaching between our beds to hold his hand, our fingers not brushing the ground. We can't even properly hold hands, his fingers curl around the join of my thumb and press into the back of my hand. It feels more like he's holding my hand up than actually holding it.

He's so warm though.

And I'm in love with him.

I wish it was a lie when I say, "I won't," but I know it's not.

"Good," he murmurs, giving my hand a soft squeeze. "'Cause I want to snog again tomorrow."

I laugh a little, I can't help it.

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were you expecting more build up??? Probably.   
> Should I have written more build up??? Probably.  
> Are you disappointed in me??? Not as much as I am probably. 
> 
> Basically, this was never a 4 chapter fic because I am the kind of person who puts an epilogue on a three chapter fic??? (Though fair warning, t'will be a rather short epilogue. Regardless, I hope yall enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap kids! I feel like I had something to say here but I've forgotten it so maybe this will get edited later IDK.  
> Thanks as always to my wonderful betas who were incredibly helpful in all this!

**Simon**

I take care not to wake Baz up in the morning. Not because I'm avoiding him anymore, just because it seems like the thing to do now. I don't know why, it's not like he'll be any nicer to me just because we're... whatever we are. (Snogging I suppose?)

I do manage to get dressed without waking him. He doesn't actually need to wake up at the same time as I do. I just like to get to breakfast early. I might as well wake him before I leave though, he's probably stopped setting an alarm since I started intentionally making a racket in the mornings.

I perch myself on the edge of his bed and place a hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. "Baz."

He buries his face further into the blankets until all I can see is black hair stark against the white of his pillow. I can hear him though, when he mutters a gruff, "Fuck off, Snow."

I roll my eyes. "Good morning to you too, Darling." The sarcasm is still evident in my tone, but I immediately regret my words. Since when do I call Baz Pitch 'darling', even in jest? It doesn't exactly feel wrong though.

And it gets his attention apparently.

He lifts his head a little and looks up at me, still bleary-eyed and glaring, but also still looking basically perfect. "What do you want, Snow?"

"I'm your wake-up call, you prick. The usual response is 'thank you'." It's softer than I usually am when I speak to him, but I'm trying at least if he's going to continue to be an arse, so am I.

He looks up at me for a few moments. He reaches a hand up and for a moment I think he's going to pull me down and kiss me. Instead, he yanks hard on my tie and starts undoing it.

"Honestly, Snow, nearly eight years of this and you still can’t even manage a half windsor." He grumbles, a frown darkening his face for a moment as he stops mid-way through my tie. "And for fuck's sake, do your top button up." He mutters before doing to for me.

"Fuck off, Baz. You're not going to choke me to death."

I reach up to undo the button again and he smacks my hand away, tucking two fingers into my collar and giving it a sharp tug. "See. Stop being a child, Snow, you're not choking."

His fingers return to fixing my tie. I don't move but that doesn't mean I don't protest.

"No one can even see my top button behind my tie, Baz.  _ You  _ didn't even notice."

He gives my tie a few sharp tugs as he sets it into place like he really is trying to choke me. "No... whatever you are, of mine, is going to walk around looking like he was dressed by an especially dumb numpty."

Whatever I am? Baz is so rarely unable to find the words that it seems odd to even hear him say that. For once though, I perhaps know the word he's looking for. "Boyfriend."

"What?"

"Boyfriend of yours," I tell him, and his expression softens a little and he lets go of my shirt but I stay leaning over him. "That's what I want to be, if you don't mind."

His eyes seem to search my face for a few moments. Flitting over my features, coming to rest on my lips for a moment before his scowl returns and his eyes meet mine. "The Chosen One rebounds quickly," he mocks because of course he's mocking me, even now. "Didn't you only break up with Wellbelove yesterday?"

I sit back up, tugging at my now far too tight tie. "I mean, I suppose I broke up with her for you. Or... She broke up with me technically, for you, but like, for me to have you." The words come slowly and with a great many pauses. I don't even notice I have a hand clutching at a chunk of my hair until I finish.

He sits up, finally. I expect him to say something, but he doesn't. He just leans forward and presses his lips to my cheek. "Go to breakfast, Snow."

I turn to look at him and he pulls back a little, but not a lot. "Is that a yes or a no, Baz?" I ask because he's sending me some very mixed signals right now.

"What?"

I huff, I can't believe he's making me ask again. "Can I be your boyfriend?"

"If that's what you want."

"It is." And it's the truth. I do want this. Even if only a few days ago we were at each other’s throats as per usual. This is better.I don't need a month of processing to know that this is better.

"Then yes." I feel his words trace over my lips. I don't even have time to appreciate the feeling before  _ his  _ lips are on mine. Which, luckily, is a feeling I appreciate a lot more.

It's brief and chaste but I don't mind because I can practically hear the scones beckoning me to breakfast.

"This doesn't mean I'll be nice, you know," he tells me.

I shrug at him and stand up. "You don't need to, I've found a good way to shut you up now."

I'm out the door and closing it behind me before he can respond. It was certain to be something snide, but he won’t chase me down in his pyjamas to deliver it. So, I suppose I win.

And it feels better than ever.

**Agatha**

Surprisingly enough, it's me and Penny who make it down to breakfast first for once, not Simon. I'm sure he'll be along momentarily though.

I don't regret what I said to Baz. After all, he deserved to know, didn't he? Honestly, the guilt had been eating me up a little. Admittedly I was also annoyed with Simon. It wasn't some half-baked revenge attempt. It was all just the overwhelming feeling of being betrayed.

Years and years of being told I was his future and we were meant to be together. Of me feeling like that wasn't true. Of him and everyone else telling me it was.

After all that he doesn't even like me. Not like that at least.

I think he still loves me.

I think I still love him.

As friends though. Nothing more.

The longer he takes to get to breakfast though, the more I begin to regret ever saying anything to Baz. I mean, Simon basically jumped him and Baz didn't move a fucking inch. I basically threw Simon to the wolves, or the vampire I suppose.

Which brings us to Baz. I never really thought that he was actually interested in me. He only ever seemed interested in annoying Simon and sometimes I was just the easiest way to achieve that. He  _ used  _ me. I think I knew that all along though.

I've not the faintest interest in either of them apparently. I don't think I have the faintest interest in anyone. I think that's something to deal with later though.

"Where is he?" I ask eventually, even though breakfast only started ten minutes ago. Still, that makes Simon eleven minutes later than he usually is.

Penny gives a shrug. "Either Baz has killed him," she starts and it makes my stomach turn. I poke at my still untouched eggs with a knife, making my toast sodden with yolk. "Or he's snogging the life out of him right now."

I look up at Penny and tilt my head to the side giving her a questioning look. "But Baz isn't interested in him?" I was mad at Simon and I thought Baz deserved to know about the spell. I can't sit here idly and let Baz lead him on though, can I? Knowing Baz, he'll probably lead Simon into a pit of spikes or something.

Penny snorts. I make a face. I wish she wouldn't do that, it's rather unbecoming. "Of course, Baz is interested in him."

I have my doubts but the second I go to voice them Simon takes a seat beside me, looking entirely too put together. "Morning," He says sounding chipper, even for him.

Penny simply choruses it back to him.

I choose a different response. "Is that a half windsor?" I say, pointedly looking at his tie for fear that Simon mightn't know what I mean otherwise.

He turns a little pink and ruffles his hair. "Yeah."

"So, I take it things went well?" Penny interjects before I can press him further.

Simon shrugs. "Yeah, I suppose," he says, but he's grinning and I'm not entirely sure what he's talking about, "before he tried to choke the life out of me this morning." He tries to loosen his tie with two fingers.

Oh.

Well, that explains that.

I shoot a glance at Penny who's looking far prouder than she should be.

"Simon, are you sure this isn't a plot?" I ask slowly. Because I am. Sure it's a plot that is.

He shakes his head. "Pretty sure."

Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and kept on dating Simon, even if it was making the pair of us miserable. I'm entirely sure I've just dropped Simon into Baz's worst plot yet.

My concern must show because Penny adds a, “very sure. Don't worry about it, Agatha."

It does little to persuade me. "I'm sorry, Simon," I manage eventually, "I shouldn't have said anything to him."

He just shrugs again. "It all worked out fine."

It makes me frown but I drop it for the time being.

Eventually, Baz makes an appearance at breakfast when we've all long since finished our food and are just chatting.

Simon perks up next to me and tries to catch his eye. I expect maybe Baz to bait him with a smile or give him one of those long cold looks he used to use to tempt me.

He does neither when he finally looks up in our direction. He just sneers.

I hear Simon let out an amused little huff next to me and then I see a little colour form on Baz's cheeks.

I think maybe it did all work out after all.


End file.
